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Psychological Needs It is easy to understand that active trauma like abandonment or abuse can impact one's life negatively. Unknown to many, passive trauma can go unnoticed but nonetheless, affects many people also. An example of passive trauma is a child's unmet need to be empathically noticed or responded too. A developing child has three major needs to be fulfilled. They are as follows:
Need to be Mirrored This need includes the way a child develops self-acceptance. This is done by having significant adults validate (mirror) his or her qualities. Validation is done through subtle gestures and verbalizations. The validations make the child feel important, special, and desired. If a child does not get enough positive mirroring, he will have trouble sustaining positive self-esteem. In adult-hood, a setback such as job loss or relationship breakup can cause strong feelings of emptiness and depression. Need to Idealize A child needs to look up to someone, usually a mother or father. It provides the child with hope. By looking up to someone, a boy can identify and imagine himself as competent and successful adult. Subtle consistent betrayals by parents can inflict trauma. The child can grow up pessimistic and negative. Unfortunately, the adult child may not remember where the wounds come from. Nevertheless, the hidden pain affects adult behavior and decision-making. The Need to be Like Others This is the concept of twinship. This is the need to have a double or a playmate, a best friend who is one's equal. The two validate each other's feelings, thoughts, and interest. It occurs during childhood and leads to a strong sense of belonging. Lack of twinship can often lead to social isolation. It can also lead to non-intimate exaggerated behaviors such as bullying, fighting, or exhibitionism. It can lead to feeling negative about one's self. This usually keeps males from sharing personal information with each other. It also keeps one from interacting in a spontaneous and uninhibited manner. Unfortunately, many enter adulthood isolated and disconnected from important relationships. Feelings of isolation from others, even while in relationships is a common complaint of those who experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. Lack of twinship is often reinforced by the 'boy code' that pits males against each other (i.e. competition for jobs and sexual partners). The 'boy code' makes expression of painful feelings and hence physical comforting by other males taboo. This leaves very few outlets to express and thus emotionally soothe painful feelings. Instead, self-defeating strategies such as stoicism, strength and will power are engaged to deal with the pain. The result of these strategies: High Rate of:
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