Very few adolescents and young adults reject the idea of being popular. 'Fitting in' is a common theme for these stages of development. As you get older you begin to develop your own individuality and becoming popular no longer fits. However, the desire to be socially competent is a theme that last throughout life.

Numerous studies have been conducted on social competencies. There are about 12 skills or attributes associated with popularity. These attributes come intuitively for some and not so for others. Many consciously master these skills to perfection, while others struggle. Unfortunately, at times, those who make social 'faux pas' pay an all to heavy price. Despite their good intentions, peers reject them.

Why some learn to use these skills more easily than others is hard to explain. Individuals with Learning Disabilities, ADD, ADHD, Anxiety, and Mood Disorders MAY require more skills practice. And I do stress May as I do know people in these categories with exceptional social skills. Another group are those dependant on alcohol and drugs. Illegal drugs, such as stimulants and ecstasy, have similar affects as prescription drugs used to treat mood and attention disorders.. They may produce positive affects. Common affects are awareness, insight, decreased anxiety, and euphoria. When first used, those taking the drugs usually report better awareness and empathy. However, illegal drugs are 'Dirty' with major side effects. That is why they are illegal. Initially, positive effects may outweigh the negative ones. Eventually (time varies with individuals), the drugs start to have a reverse affect. Users begin to lose cognitive abilities that drive social competencies.

Most users pick up on their lost social skills. This can include not being able to recall memories, inability to think of words when speaking, or speaking words in sentences out of order. Writing and computation can also become problematic. You may increasingly 'miss the point' of conversations. The later are just a few. Before seeking help, one usually tries to compensate for these faltering skills. This is when 'the scene' can become a trap. The user may retreat to the party world with greater frequency. He or she may increase drug use hoping to regain skills and positive feelings. Ironically, s/he does not realize the use of the harmful drugs is the problem. It becomes a downward spiral. The scene can be so consuming; the users ignore any attempt of redirection.

A common principle in the party world, especially the rave community, is 'PLUR' (Peace, Love, Unity, Respect/Responsibility).

Comrades within the scene have considerable influence. Unfortunately, sometimes things go awry. During these times, practicing a little 'PLUR' can go a long way. Upon noticing weird or 'sketchy'behavior of a fellow partier, use common sense. Try being respectful and responsible by helping that person. Being direct, discrete and compassionate is usually the best approach. Remember all your fashion and social 'faux pas' in middle and high school. Wouldn't it have been great if PLUR existed at that time in your life! Makeup for lost opportunities and help someone out. It is powerful!

Below I have included 12 social competencies associated with popularity. They are:

Relevance. This means one's ability to read a social situation and one's ability to adapt his/her behavior accordingly.

Responsiveness. The ability to be receptive to another's social initiation, and to respond positively

Timing and Staging. You need to know how to pace a relationship. This includes knowing what and when to do or say things.

Indirect Approach. You need to be aware that relationships and interactions are often initiated and sustained by indirect means.

Feedback cues. Being able to read visual feedback on the faces of others. Being able to interpret verbal tones of voice and semantic connotations that suggest whether the interaction is going positively or not. This ability enables one to make adjustment to their behavior or to judiciously terminate the interaction and live open a future one.

Resolution of conflict without aggression. All relationships have conflict. Learning to deal with these conflicts diplomatically, without aggression, is the key.

Verbal Pragmatic strategies. Using language effectively. Being able to interpret others accurately and expressing one's self effectively. This includes being able to understand other's wit and not misinterpreting others.

Social Memory. Being able to recall and utilized prior interactions.

Social Predication. Being able to foresee the consequences of what you are about to say or do.

Awareness of Image. To present yourself in a socially acceptable way. 'When in Rome!"

Affective Matching. Being able to read another's mood or emotion, and then to match that mood and intensify it.

Recuperative Strategies. Yep.everyone commits social errors. Learning how to develop strategies to recuperate from misguided actions or statements is key.

There you go. You likely have many of these steps under control; however, try to determine which areas you may need to work on. Focus on those for a while. The secret is being humble and honest. Admit to yourself when you screw up. then, move on. Learn to laugh and develop a wit about yourself. It will make things easier. Good Luck!